Jane’s life looked great from the outside. She was smart, successful and known in her community for giving back. Many people were envious of her life. And she was grateful for all she had.
“I have been blessed,” she told me.
Yet, she wasn’t happy — something was missing.
For starters, her life was go-go-go. She worked 10- to 12-hour days running her company and keeping up with the social commitments her position required.
She could hardly remember the last time she wasn’t exhausted. Yet when her head hit the pillow every night, her mind kept racing. Instead of falling asleep, she worried and planned and felt anxious. Or she woke up at 3:00 am with worst-case scenerios playing like a movie for the next two hours.
Jane had great responsibility and the stress of trying to be everything — everything she thought she should be and that others expected her to be — was too much.
Jane came to me because she used to love her work, but over the years much of the joy had drained out of it. She told me it was like watching the color drain out of her life until too many of her days were gray. She tried to stay positive, but it was hard.
“I can’t keep going this way or I’m going to hit a wall,” Jane said.
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As Jane told me about the high standards she had for herself, she realized she was very hard on herself and secretly worried she wasn’t “enough”. This only made her work harder and try to accomplish more, which made her even more exhausted. It was a vicious cycle.
“Who do you usually talk to about these things?” I asked.
“Well, no one really, I guess,” Jane answered. “I talk to my husband a little, but it’s hard to have deep conversations with him, and I don’t want to burden our relationship with too many work issues.
“My friends understand up to a point, but they also expect a lot of me so I limit what I share. Plus, I don’t always know if someone’s going keep a private conversation in strict confidence.”
Jane needed someone she could trust.
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Someone who would really listen, understand without judgment, keep 100% confidentiality,
and guide her into new ease…joy…and a truly fulfilling life.
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As Jane talked she felt seen and understood. When she hung up she was already feeling buoyed and hopeful.
As Jane’s one-year coaching program got under way, we calculated what the stress and overwhelm in her life were costing her in:
- Physical health
- Psychological well-being and happiness
- Time with her husband, family and friends (especially grandchildren!)
- Lost opportunities and profits for her company
Jane was shocked to discover how much
she was “paying” for her stressful lifestyle.
The momentum of her busy life and her pattern of pushing-forward-no-matter-what had blinded her to the true costs. She was not getting a good return on investment!
The culprit we identified behind this pattern was her Inner Critic.
Her Inner Critic spoke to her in negative self-talk and undermined her daily. No matter how hard Jane tried to do the right things, it made her feel like nothing she did was ever enough — in fact, that she was never enough.
It kept her going at a pace that drained her energy by feeding her all kinds of ideas why she couldn’t or shouldn’t slow down, like:
“Don’t slow down or you won’t get anything done; you’ll just be lazy.”
“Taking time for yourself is selfish. People will criticize you for that.”
“You have to do more or be more to feel good about yourself.”
“Don’t rest on your laurels.”
It made her feel like she didn’t deserve the ease and well-being she craved!
I taught Jane techniques that connected her with her True Self and quieted her Inner Critic. Her True Self empowered her with positive self-talk and genuinely supportive advice so she was able to:
- Fully appreciate herself and her accomplishments
- Relax and enjoy her life
- Stop feeling guilty or selfish about good self-care
- Be more present for her family as the mother/wife she wanted to be
- Remember who she truly was, deep down, and have a clear purpose
- Achieve and even exceed her goals — while feeling good for a change!
As a result Jane had more energy and new clarity.
She felt better and made better decisions in her personal life and business.
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CONTACT ME NOW to apply for a complimentary Strategy Session
martia@MartiaNelson.com or 707-823-4403 (PT)
Imagine the relief of having a guide and confidante–
and the joy of living your best life![/dropshadowbox]
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Part of the reason Jane had become enslaved by her work for so many years was that she had thought that if she said No, worked less and enjoyed her life more, her company would fall apart.
So I taught her how to gracefully say “No” and make it stick. She quickly became skilled at setting reasonable boundaries with people and her schedule — and to her surprise, it worked! And her new ease and clarity made her more effective at the things she did do.
Her company did not fall apart…
it started doing better than ever!
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This gave her more time and energy for the things that were meaningful to her like being with family and friends, spending an afternoon gardening, or riding her bicycle after work.
Jane told me the color was coming back into her life.
For the first time in years she felt
truly alive and vibrant.
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Then Jane had a revelation.
She confided that although she was accomplished and confident to the outer world, she had felt something missing inside her.
It had been like living without an important part of herself. She hadn’t been sure exactly what it was, but she had craved to connect with it.
Jane realized that for decades she had been missing her True Self.
At last she was finding it!
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And in her True Self, she was finding her inner source of unshakable well-being. Over time, no matter what challenge or chaotic situation she encountered, she was increasingly able to deal with it from a place of strength, inner peace and self-love.
Through her True Self she found self-love
she had never known existed.
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With this new self-love, she felt happier and more buoyant on a daily basis. A new kindness and compassion toward herself made it easier to make healthy choices with food, exercise and how she spent her time. She focused on doing what nourished her soul.
New meaning and purpose emerged in her life.
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Now Jane was ready for truly meaningful friendships. She needed people she could genuinely talk with and who would understand and support her new life direction.
In the past she hadn’t always known which people were her real friends — and which people would secretly envy, undermine, judge or gossip about her. Or be friends because of her position rather than who she really was. So she hadn’t let people get “too close”, which had kept her lonely.
Together we clarified ways to identify people who were genuinely supportive and trustworthy — and steps to move into those friendships. I also showed her how to recognize the people and situations that weren’t good for her and how to navigate away from them without burning any important bridges.
With this new skill and confidence, Jane cultivated reliable friendships. And she told me how liberating it felt to have friends who truly cared about her, friends with whom she could freely share her struggles and celebrate her triumphs.
Jane finally felt comfortable in her own skin.
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At last Jane wasn’t lonely anymore. Or overwhelmed, exhausted or discouraged. Her inner and outer worlds were both good to her now. She felt renewed. Vibrant. Confident. Fulfilled. She was at home in herself and the rich life she had created.
Now when Jane’s head hit the pillow, she felt calm and peaceful.
Sleep came easily, and she woke up refreshed and eager to start her day.
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Finally she had found the life she was meant to have.
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Do you relate to Jane?
Or do you have other goals to reach or issues to transform?
Let’s talk about your needs so we can create
a coaching program tailored to you.
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[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”580px” background_color=”#fff5e5″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd”] .
CONTACT ME NOW to apply for a complimentary Strategy Session
martia@MartiaNelson.com or 707-823-4403 (PT)
Imagine the relief of having a guide and confidante–
and the joy of living your best life!
.
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